"LOOKING UNTO JESUS"
	ISAIAH 45:22 C. H. Spurgeon's
CONVERSION and BAPTISM
NOTE: The Summary given here is from the best sources available.
[Along with Spurgeon himself, the majority of this Compilation was supplied by
ERIC HAYDEN in Searchlight On Spurgeon; with More by Robert Shindler.]
— published by Pilgrim, Searchlight On Spurgeon is currently out-of-print. *********************************************************************************
APPENDIX to Spurgeon's Conversion     APPENDIX to Various Subjects
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	to the Online Internet Database of  >> ——————————————————— >>

Many have been the attempts to explain away certain features of this outstanding conversion experience. The late Dr. W. E. Sangster and the Rev. G. W. Harte (the former a famous Methodist preacher and the latter a one-time secretary of Spurgeon's College) both tried to explain away the "snowy day" on which Spurgeon was converted, in spite of the fact that no meteorological records were kept in Britain at that time. Yet Spurgeon is hardly likely to have imagined that he trudged through snow if there was none!

Others, like the Rev. A. E. Wilmott (another secretary of Spurgeon's College), have sought to emphasize the discrepancies in the conversion account so that we do not know if it was an ordained Methodist minister or a humble layman who preached upon Isaiah 45:22, the text that caused the young Spurgeon to look to Jesus. Even the traditional date of 6 January 1850 is queried!

There are no discrepancies, however, in Spurgeon's many accounts and for that reason a complete listing of his references to his conversion is given in the APPENDIX [below], for there are too many (and several of them too similar in wording), to be used in this chapter.

  CONVERSION   STORY

In few words the conversion occurred in this way...

C. H. Spurgeon was then fifteen years of age. On Sunday, 6 January 1850, a snowy day, he rose early in the morning and followed his usual custom of reading the Bible and praying. He then set out for Colchester to attend a church recommended by his mother. The snow compelled him to walk down a side street and enter a Primitive Methodist Chapel (Artillery Street). The congregation was small, the appointed preacher failed to turn up, but under the simple preaching of his substitute Spurgeon was converted. [The present church has a website — www.spurgeon-church.org.uk] The fact that he was only fifteen years of age and under deep conviction of sin at the time has caused critics to comment that he was not aware of the true circumstances. But there are many of us who were converted even earlier in life and we can remember every tiny detail of that "happy day."

In this twentieth century we are living in days of superficial Christianity. Some preachers and evangelists are superficial in their methods and their presentation of the gospel. The result is that we see many superficial "decisions" for Christ. For that reason we do well to give close attention to the longest account of his conversion that Spurgeon gave. This account was given in a sermon entitled UNDER ARREST, preached in 1887, thirty-seven years after his conversion [published in 1895, MTP Vol 41, #2402]. There is little reference to the circumstances argued about, but there is a great deal about the spiritual side of his conversion.

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"When once we recognized God, and realized the fact that we were his creatures, there came into our startled conscience the remembrance of the universality of law. I recollect that experience, and how I thought of what was said of the old Roman empire that, under the rule of Caesar, if a man once broke the law of Rome, he was in prison everywhere. The whole world was one vast prison to him, for he could not get out of the reach of the imperial power; and so did it come to be in my aroused conscience. Wherever I went, the law had a demand upon my thoughts, upon my words, upon my rising, upon my resting. What I did, and what I did not do, all came under the cognizance of the law; and then I found that this law so surrounded me that I was always running against it, I was always breaking it. I seemed as if I was a sinner, and nothing else but a sinner. If I opened my mouth, I spoke amiss. If I sat still, there was sin in my silence. I remember that, when the Spirit of God was thus dealing with me, I used to feel myself to be a sinner even when I was in the house of God. I thought that, when I sang, I was mocking the Lord with a solemn sound upon a false tongue; and if I prayed, I feared that I was sinning in my prayers, insulting him by uttering confessions which I did not feel, and asking for mercies with a faith that was not true at all, but only another form of unbelief. Oh, yes, some of us know what it is to be given into custody to the law! Perhaps some here are now in this condition without quite understanding it.

"At that time, when I was in the custody of the law, I did not take any pleasure in sin! Alas, I did sin; but my sense of the law of God kept me back from a great many sins. I could not, as others did, plunge into profligacy, or indulge in any of the grosser vices, for that law had me well in hand. I sinned enough without acting like that. Oh, I used to tremble to put one foot before another, for fear I should do wrong! I felt that my old sins seemed to be so many, that it were well to die rather than commit any more. The law of God, when it gets a man into its charge, makes him feel just like that.

"Then, I could not find any rest while under the custody of the law. If I wanted to sleep a little, or to be a little indifferent and careless, then some one or other of those ten commandments roughly aroused me, and looking on me with a frowning face, said, 'You have broken me.' I thought I would do some good works; but, somehow, the law always broke my good works in the making. I fancied that, if my tears flowed freely, I might make some recompense for my wrong-doing; but the law held up the looking-glass, and I soon saw my face all smeared and made more unhandsome by my tears. So that law shut me up in all directions, and would not let me rest anywhere when I was under its custody.

"Then, also, the law seemed to blight all my hopes. I hoped this, and I hoped that; but then the law said, 'Cursed is every one that continueth not in all things which are written in the book of the law to do them,' and I knew I had not continued in all those things, so I saw myself accursed, turn which way I might. I had offended against the justice of God; I was impure and polluted; and I used to say, 'If God does not send me to hell, he ought to do it.' I sat in judgment upon myself, and pronounced the sentence that I felt would be just. I could not have gone to heaven with my sin unpardoned, even if I had had the offer to do it, for I knew that it would not be right that I should do so, and I justified God in my own conscience while I condemned myself.

"One thing I found concerning the law, that it would not even let me despair. If I thought I would give up all desire to do right, and just go and drown my conscience in sin, the law said, 'No, you cannot do that; there is no rest for you in sinning. You know the law too well to be able to sin in the blindness of a seared conscience.' So the law worried and troubled me at all points; it shut me up as in an iron cage, and every way of escape was effectually blocked up.

"I am talking now, not only of my own experience, but also of the experience of many another child of God. I will tell you one or two of the things that shut me up dreadfully; and one was, when I knew the spirituality of the law. If the law said, 'Thou shalt not commit adultery,' I said to myself, 'Well, I have never committed adultery.' Then the law, as interpreted by Christ, said, 'Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.' The law said, 'Thou shalt not steal,' and I said, 'Well, I never stole anything;' but then I found that even the desire to possess what was not my own was guilt. The spirituality of the law astounded me; what hope could I have of escaping from such a law as this which every way surrounded me with an atmosphere from which I could not possibly escape?

"Then, as I have already reminded you, the law informed me that I was cursed unless I continued in all things that were written in the book of the law; so that, if I had not committed one sin, that made no difference if I had committed another sin, for I was under the curse. What if I had never blasphemed God with my tongue? Yet, if I had coveted, I had broken the law. He who breaks a chain might say, 'I did not break that link, and the other link.' No, but if you break one link, you have broken the chain. Ah me, how I seemed shut up then.

"Then I remembered that, even if I kept the law perfectly, and kept it for ten, twenty, or thirty years, without a fault, yet if, at the end of that time, I should then break it, I must suffer its dread penalty. Those words spoken by the Lord to the prophet Ezekiel came to my mind: 'If he trust to his own righteousness, and commit iniquity, all his righteousnesses shall not be remembered; but for his iniquity that he hath committed, he shall die for it.' So I saw that I was, as the text says, 'shut up'. I had hoped to escape this way, or that way, or some other way. Was I not 'christened' when I was a child? Had I not been taken to a place of worship? Had I not been brought up to say my prayers regularly? Had I not been an honest, upright, moral youth? Was all this nothing? 'Nothing,' said the law, as it drew its sword of fire. 'Cursed is every one that continueth not in all things which are written in the book of the law to do them.' So there was no rest for my spirit, nay, not even for a moment. What was I to do? I was in the custody of one that showed no mercy whatever, for Moses never said, 'Mercy.' The law has nothing to do with mercy. That comes from another mouth, and under another dispensation; but before I turn to that other point, I would like to say that, if any of you are passing through all that I have been describing, do not be all discouraged. I rejoice that it is so with you, for this breaking down of the idols is the way to set up the true God in your heart. This cleaning out of your refuges of lies is a blessed work of God who loves you, though he seems now to be dealing out to you the blows of a cruel one. This is the way in which he is severing you from your deceptions, freeing you from your delusions, that he may bring you to the truth and to himself.

"Now let me tell the story. It was on a day, never to be forgotten, when I first understood that salvation was in and through Another, that my salvation could not be of myself, but must be through One better and stronger than I. And I heard, — and oh, what music it was! — that the Son of God had taken upon himself our human nature, and had, by his life and death, wrought out a perfect salvation, finished from top to bottom, which he was ready to give to every soul that was willing to have it, and that salvation was all of grace from first to last, the free gift of God through his blessed Son, Jesus Christ. Oh, the melody of that doctrine! 'But I have heard that lots of time,' says one. Have you ever heard it at all? 'Why, I heard you say it just now!' Again I put the question — Have you heard it? It has passed your ears, but have you ever heard it? Have you ever caught the meaning of it?

"Then I had this vision, — not a vision to my eyes, but to my heart. I saw what a Saviour Christ was, divine as well as human. I saw what sufferings his were, what a righteousness his was. I saw the fulness of Christ, the glory of Christ, the love of Christ, the power of Christ to save to the uttermost them that come unto God by him.

"Now I can never tell you how it was, but I no sooner saw whom I was to believe than I also understood what it was to believe, and I did believe in one moment. As much as if it had never been revealed to any mortal man, or written in this blessed Book, it was revealed to me by the Spirit of God that I, guilty wretch as I was, was there and then to fall at those dear feet that once were nailed to the cross, and to take Jesus Christ to be my Lord and Saviour, and that the moment I did so, I should be saved.

"I did take him as my Saviour, and I am saved; and I come to tell you again tonight, the reason why I took him for my Saviour. To my own humiliation, I must confess that I did it because I could not help it; I was shut up to it. That law-work, of which I told you, had hammered me into such a condition that, if there had been fifty other saviours, I could not have thought of them, I was driven to this One. I wanted a Divine Saviour, I wanted One who was made a curse for me to expiate my guilt. I wanted One who had died, for I deserved to die. I wanted One who had risen again, who was able by his life to make me live. I wanted the exact Saviour that stood before me in the Word, revealed to my heart; and I could not help having him.

"And, what is more, I cannot help having him still as my Saviour, I am shut up to it. I think I have told you of an American brother, who sat in one of the pews behind me, one Sunday night. When I went out, I said to him, 'What! you here again?' He said, 'Yes, it is twenty years since I sat in this pew; I wonder that you remember me.' I said, 'Oh, yes; I do remember your face right well!' He said, 'You are hitched in the old place still, I see.' 'Yes,' I replied, 'and if God spares you to come in twenty years' time, and I have not gone to heaven meanwhile, you will find that I am hitched in the same old place then.' I have nothing to tell you but Christ crucified, nothing to say to the sinner but, 'Away, away, away from all other confidences to him whom God has set forth to be a propitiation for sin!'

"I want the law to shut you right up to this one course. If a man were to ask, 'Why do you go out of the Tabernacle by the righthand door?' it would be a very good answer if you had to say, 'Because all the rest are bricked up.' That would be a valid reason, would it not? You had no choice in the matter; and that is the reason why we come to Christ, because we have tried, and proved, and known that other salvation there is none: for 'there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved.' The law has shut us up to this one road, stopped up every other opening and gangway, and we are driven just to stand here, and say, —

'Thou, O Christ, art all I want; More than all in thee I find.'

"Now, if there is any one of you that has got into that cleft stick, I am right glad of it. This proves that you are God's man, he has chosen you, he loves you, he has given his Son to save you; take the Lord Jesus Christ to be everything to you, and go on your way rejoicing. 'Before faith came,' you were shut up, but you were shut up to faith in Christ; and now you have that faith, you are shut up no longer, you have received the liberty wherewith Christ makes his people free. Go home and enjoy it; and if you meet any other poor soul shut up as you were, tell how you came out to liberty. Do not be satisfied to go tonight to your bed without having told somebody of how the Lord Jesus came, dressed in garments dipped in blood, and with his pierced hands broke the bars of brass, and cut the doors of iron in sunder, and set your soul at liberty, and said, 'I have blotted out, as a thick cloud, thy transgressions, and, as a cloud, thy sins. God bless you, for his dear Son's sake! AMEN."

— From #2402, MTP Vol. 41, 1895, pgs. 101-105  

(Hayden): If, after thirty-seven years Spurgeon could remember such intimate details of his state of conviction, then naturally he could remember the details of his conversion — "never to be forgotten." The former (his convicted state) lasted for several years: the latter was but the work of a Sunday morning. He would not easily remember the longer and forget the shorter. It was in words such as these that he remembered the details of what took place that Sunday morning in Artillery Street Chapel, Colchester, 1850 —

"It was about twenty-six years ago, twenty-six years exactly last Thursday [this was said on Sunday, 9 January 1876 — so Spurgeon believed he was converted on the 6th January, and not the 13th as some critics would make out!] — that I looked unto the Lord, and found salvation, through this text (Isaiah 45:22 — "Look unto me, and be ye saved, all the ends of the earth: for I am God, and there is none else."). You have often heard me tell how I had been wandering about, seeking rest, and finding none, till a plain, unlettered, lay preacher among the Primitive Methodists stood up in the pulpit, and gave out this passage as his text. He had not much to say, thank God, for that compelled him to keep on repeating his text, and there was nothing needed — by me, at any rate, — except his text. I remember how he said, —

'It is Christ that speaks. I am in the garden in an agony, pouring out my soul unto death; I am on the tree, dying for sinners; look unto Me! Look unto Me! that is all you have to do. A child can look. One who is almost an idiot can look. However weak, or however poor, a man may be, he can look; and if he looks, the promise is that he shall live.'

And I did look; and when they sang a hallelujah before they went home, in their own earnest way, I am sure I joined in it. It happened to be a day when the snow was lying deep, and more was falling; so, as I went home, those words of David kept ringing through my heart, 'Wash me and I shall be whiter than snow'; and it seemed as if all nature was in accord with that blessed deliverance from sin which I had found in a single moment by looking to Jesus."

— From #2867, MTP Vol. 50, 1904, pg. 37  

[Other sidelights or different details are supplied on other occasions, such as:] — "Some four or five years I have been seeking Christ under a heavy burden of sin. I remember well that Sabbath morning in the month of January, 1850, for there was a very severe snowstorm. I was going to the Congregational Chapel of Colchester that morning; but it snowed so heavily that I turned into the little Primitive Methodist Chapel, merely because of the heaviness of that snowstorm. I was cold at heart, almost despairing; I thought that I should never find the Saviour, but between half-past ten o'clock, when I was back again at home, what a change had taken place in me! I had passed from darkness into marvellous light, from death to life."

— From #2436, MTP Vol. 41, 1895, pg. 512  

[In the previous extract the snowy day and approximate time were pinpointed. In the following one the UNKNOWN preacher is mentioned:] — "I thank God that I owe my conversion to Christ to an unknown person, who certainly was no minister in the ordinary acceptation of the term; but who could say this much, 'Look unto Christ and be saved, all ye ends of the earth.' "

— From #2327, MTP Vol. 39, 1893, pg. 462  

  BECOMING A BAPTIST

It is not generally retold that Spurgeon paid a return visit to the chapel in Artillery Street. Who knows whether he might not have become a Methodist instead of a Baptist if he had not been bitterly disappointed on that second visit —

"The next Sunday I went to the same chapel, as it was very natural that I should. But I never went afterwards, for this reason, that during my first week the new life that was in me had been compelled to fight for its existence, and a conflict with the old nature had been vigorously carried on. This I knew to be a special token of the indwelling of grace in my soul; but in that same chapel I heard a sermon upon 'O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?" And the preacher declared that Paul was not a Christian when he had that experience. Babe as I was, I knew better than to believe so absurd a statement. I resolved to go into that pasture no more, for I could not feed therein."

— From #1850, MTP Vol. 31, 1885, pg. 395  

Instead, four months later, he was baptized by immersion in the River Lark and became a member of a BAPTIST CHURCH. He did not take such a step inadvisedly. His mother and father were Independents (Congregationalists), and so he tells us —

"My parents not believing in the baptism of believers, and I (being between fifteen and sixteen years of age), thought it my duty to consult [them] my father and mother, and ask their counsel and advice. I think I did right; I did not expect them to see with me, but I did expect them to give me their loving concurrence, which they did."

— From #2275, MTP Vol. 38, 1892, pg. 461  

It was through a study of God's Word that he came to see that believer's baptism was the right step for him to take. He had not been to, and was not swayed by, any Baptist service —

"When I was converted to God, as I read the Scriptures I found that believers ought to be baptized. Now, nobody around me saw things in that light: but it did not matter to me what they thought, for I looked at it carefully for myself. Parents, friends, all differed, but believer's baptism seemed to me to be scriptural, and, though I was a lad, God gave me grace to be honest to my conscience, and to follow the Lord in that respect as fully as I could."

— From #1335, MTP Vol. 23, 1877, pg. 59  

"Though I was a lad"! — how glad he always was that he had confessed his new-found Lord early in life. He once said —

"I always feel glad to think that I wore a boy's jacket when I was baptized into his name; I had not assumed the garb of a man, but my whole soul was his, and I was buried with him. I wish it had been earlier still."

— From #2643, MTP Vol. 45, 1899, pg. 485  

Of course he was nervous, as he well recalled when describing the incident over twenty years later —

"I walked into the open river on a cold May day to be baptized into the name of Jesus as timid and timorous a youth as you might well see; but when I rose from that water the fear of man was gone from my mind."

— From #1174, MTP Vol. 20, 1874, pg. 296  

Not only was he not persuaded by Baptists to take such a step, but —

"I had not even heard of their existence, so negligent had they been in the spreading of their views on that matter!"

— From #1520, MTP Vol. 26, 1880, pg. 90  

Two passages supply the details of that memorable occasion —

"It was many years ago, but the remembrance of it is very vivid at this moment, and it seems to be as though it only happened yesterday. It was in the month of May, and I rose very early in the morning, so that I might have a long time in private prayer. Then I had to walk about eight miles, from Newmarket to Isleham, where I was to be baptized in the river; and I think that the blessing I received that day resulted largely from that season of solitary supplication, and my meditation, as I walked along the country roads and lanes, upon my indebtedness to my Saviour, and my desire to live to his praise and glory."

— From #3178, MTP Vol. 56, 1910, pg. 3  

The other account suggests that baptism by immersion was for the young Spurgeon an acted creed as well as a profession of faith —

"Well do I remember that May morning when I walked into the river at Isleham Ferry, and thus declared publicly that I belonged to the Lord Jesus Christ. By that act of immersion, I felt that I had crossed the Rubicon, and there was no possibility of ever going back. I had burned the boats behind me, so that I could not retreat, nor have I ever wanted to do so. It did not matter to me how many spectators looked on me that day, nor whether they were angels, men or devils. I wanted them all to witness that, henceforth, I was Christ's servant, — that I bore in my body the marks of the Lord Jesus, the water-mark which could never be taken out, — that I was dead to the world, and risen with my Lord, to serve him for ever and ever."

— From #2648, MTP Vol. 45, 1899, pg. 546  

If his parents gave in easily to his request that he be allowed to be baptized by immersion, a minister of the gospel was not so easily persuaded that he wanted to join the church! On several occasions Spurgeon later described his difficulties in such words as these —

"I remember the difficulty that I had, when I was converted, and wished to join the Christian church in the place where I lived. I called upon the minister four successive days before I could see him; each time there was some obstacle in the way of an interview; and as I could not see him at all, I wrote and told him that I would go down to the church-meeting, and propose myself as a member. He looked upon me as a strange character, but I meant what I said; for I felt that I could not be happy without fellowship with the people of God. I wanted to be wherever they were; and if anybody ridiculed them, I wished to be ridiculed with them; and if people had an ugly name for them, I wanted to be called by that ugly name."

— From #2234, MTP Vol. 37, 1891, pg. 629  

Thus on 6 January 1850 Charles Haddon Spurgeon was converted. On 3 May 1850, his mother's birthday, he was baptized (two women candidates being baptized with him). The following Sunday he sat at the Lord's Table for his first Communion Service. He then became a Sunday School teacher and tract distributor, and finally a local country preacher. All this prepared him for a lifetime of preaching, from sixteen years of age to the time of his death at fifty-eight — forty-two years of faithful gospel preaching resulting in thousands coming to know the Saviour.

Written by Eric W. Hayden  

TOP  OF  PAGE    

"I will tell you how I myself was brought to the knowledge of this truth. It may happen that the telling of it will bring someone else to Christ. It pleased God in my childhood to convince me of sin. I lived a miserable creature, finding no hope, no comfort, thinking that surely God would never save me. At last the worst came to the worst — I was miserable; I could do scarcely anything. My heart was broken in pieces. Six months did I pray; prayed agonizingly with all my heart, and never had an answer.

"I resolved that, in the town where I lived, I would visit every place of worship, in order to find out the way of salvation. I felt I was willing to do anything, and be anything, if God would only forgive me. I set off, determined to go round to all the chapels, and I went to all the places of worship; and though I dearly venerate the men that occupy those pulpits now, and did so then, I am bound to say that I never heard them once fully preach the gospel. I mean by that — they preached truth, great truths, many good truths that were fitting to many of their congregations — spiritually-minded people; but what I wanted to know was — How can I get my sins forgiven? And they never told me that.

"I wanted to hear how a poor sinner, under a sense of sin, might find peace with God; and when I went, I heard a sermon on: 'Be not deceived, God is not mocked,' which cut me up worse; but did not say how I might escape. I went again another day, and the text was something about the glories of the righteous; nothing for poor me! I was something like a dog under the table, not allowed to eat of the children's food. I went time after time, and I can honestly say, I don't know that I ever went without prayer to God, and I am sure there was not a more attentive hearer in all the place than myself, for I panted and longed to understand how I might be saved.

"At last, one snowy day — it snowed so much I could not go the place I had determined to go to, and I was obliged to stop on the road, and it was a blessed stop to me — I found rather an obscure street, and turned down a court, and there was a little chapel. I wanted to go somewhere, but I did not know this place. It was the Primitive Methodist chapel. I had heard of these people from many, and how they sang so loudly that they made people's heads ache; but that did not matter. I wanted to know how I might be saved, and if they made my head ache ever so much, I did not care.

"So, sitting down, the service went on, but no minister came; at last, a very thin-looking man came into the pulpit, and opened his Bible, and read these words: 'Look unto Me, and be ye saved, all the ends of the earth.' Just setting his eyes upon me, as if he knew all my heart, he said, 'Young man, you are in trouble.' Well, I was, sure enough. Says he, 'You will never get out of it unless you look to Christ.' And then, lifting up his hands, he cried out, as only a Primitive Methodist could do, 'Look, look, look!' 'It is only look' said he. I saw at once the way of salvation. Oh, how I did leap for joy at that moment! I know not what else he said. I did not take much notice of it — I was so possessed with that one thought. Like as when the brazen serpent was lifted up, they only looked and were healed. I had been waiting to do fifty things, but when I heard this word, 'Look,' what a charming word it seemed to me! Oh! I looked until I could almost have looked by eyes away; and in heaven I will look on still in my joy unutterable."

Mr. Spurgeon, with all his strong attachment to truths which relate to divine sovereignty (and he has ever been bold and unflinching in his proclamation of them), has always presented the other side of Calvinism — the call of the gospel to all who hear it; hence, he says, as one of the lessons of his own conversion —

"I now think I am bound never to preach a sermon without preaching to sinners. I do think that a minister, who can preach a sermon without addressing sinners, does not know how to preach."

Several years after his conversion, on 11th October 1864, Mr. Spurgeon preached in the Primitive Methodist Chapel, at Colchester, and took for his text the ever-memorable words (Isaiah 45:22). "That was the text," said he, "that I heard preached from in this chapel, when the Lord converted me." And pointing to a seat on the left hand, under the gallery, he said, "I was sitting in that pew when I was converted." This grateful reference to the place and work done by the Lord there, made a profound impression on the congregation, the hearts of many being thrilled with joy, and drawn out in love to the young preacher.

Going back to Mr. Spurgeon's early ministerial life, we can distinctly trace the groundwork of that steadfast adherence to Puritan theology for which he has been so remarkable all through his public career. His sentiments at that early time have been preserved in the following letter written to one of his uncles —

"My dear Uncle, —

"Dumb men make no mischief. Your silence, and my neglect, make me think of the days when letters were costly, and not of penny postage. You have doubtless heard of me as a top-tree Antinomian. I trust you know enough of me to disbelieve it. It is an object of my life to disprove the slander. I groan daily under a body of sin and corruption. Oh, for the time when I shall drop this flesh, and be free from sin! I am become more and more convinced, that to attempt to be saved by a mixed covenant of works and faith is, in the words of Berridge, 'to yoke a snail with an elephant.' I desire to press forward for direction to my Master in all things; but as to trusting to my own obedience and righteousness, I should be worse than a fool, and ten times worse than a madman. Poor dependent creatures! prayer had need be our constant employment; the foot of the throne our continual dwelling-place; for the Rock of Ages is our only safe hiding-place. I rejoice in an assured knowledge by faith of an interest in Christ, and of the certainty of my eternal salvation. Yet what strivings, what conflicts, what dangers, what enemies are in my way! The foes in my heart are so strong, that they would have killed me and sent me to hell ere this, had the Lord left me; but, blessed be His name! His electing, redeeming, and saving love has got fast hold of me; and who is able to pluck me out of my Father's hand? On my bended knees I have often cried for succour; and, bless His name! He has hitherto heard my cry. Oh, if I did not know that all the Lord's people have soul-contentions, I should give up all for lost! I rejoice that the promises left on record are meant for me, as well as for every saint of His, and as such I desire to grasp them. Let the whole earth, and even God's professing people, cast out my name as evil, my Lord and Master will not. I glory in the distinguishing grace of God, and will not, by the grace of God, stir one inch from my principles, or think of adhering to the present fashionable sort of religion."

"Oh, could I become like holy men of past ages — fearless of men, holding sweet communion with God — weaned more from the world, and enabled to fix my thoughts on spiritual things entirely! But when I would serve God, I find my old deceitful heart full of the very essence of hell, rising up into my mouth, polluting all I say, and all I do. What should I do if, like you, I were called to be engaged about things of time and sense? I fear I should be neither diligent in business, nor fervent in spirit. 'But' (say you) 'he keeps talking all about himself.' True, he does; he cannot help it. Self is too much his master. I am proud of my own ignorance; and, like a toad, bloated with my venomous pride — proud of what I have not got, and boasting when I should be moaning. I trust you have greater freedom from your own corruptions than I have, and in secret, social, and family prayer, enjoy more blessed, sanctified liberty at the footstool of mercy."

"Rejoice! for heaven awaits us, and all the Lord's family! The mansion is ready; the crown is made; the harp is strung; and there are no willows there. May we be enabled to go on, bold as lions, valiant for the truth and cause of King Jesus, and by the help of the Spirit, vow eternal warfare against every sin, and rest not until the Sword of the Spirit has destroyed all the enemies in our hearts!"

"May we be enabled to trust the Lord, for He will help us! We must conquer, we cannot be lost. Lost! Impossible. For who is able to snatch us out of our Father's hands?"

"May the Lord bless you exceedingly!"

Your affectionate nephew,

C. H. Spurgeon

In this remarkable letter it is not difficult to trace the future eminent preacher and sound divine; and while it may seem to some to contain expressions beyond the experience of many ordinary Christians, and very unusual in one who was still but a youth, it must be remembered that he was in no sense an ordinary individual, and that there was in him, even at this early period, the making of the future man, and the distinct foreshadowing of the well-instructed and deeply-taught witness for the truth of God.

While Mr. Spurgeon was still at Newmarket, a fierce struggle was going on in his mind. He was assailed by unbelief in one of its most hateful forms. From doubting some things, he came to question all things, even his own existence. The conflict was not long, but exceedingly fierce and determined. Speaking of a freethinker, he says —

"I, too, have been like him. There was an evil hour in which I slipped the anchors of my faith. I cut the cable of my belief. I no longer moored myself hard by the coast of Revelation. I allowed my vessel to drift before the wind, and thus started on the voyage of infidelity. I said to reason, 'Be thou my captain;' I said to my own brain, 'Be thou my rudder;' and I started on my mad voyage. Thank God! it is all over now; but I will tell you its brief history: It was one hurried sailing over the tempestuous sea of free-thought. Satan often overshoots his mark; the terrible wickedness of his horrid blasphemies, like a too heavy charge of powder, bursts the gun, and he and his cause are damaged, while the object he sought to destroy escapes to sing of delivering grace and redeeming love."

During Mr. Spurgeon's residence at Newmarket, his mind became exercised concerning the subject of baptism. His father, his grandfather, and his ancestors, had held and practiced infant salvation. To seem to be wiser on this subject than his parents and his forefathers for several generations, might be mistaken for self-assertion; but the prayerful searching of the Word led him to the full conviction that the baptism of Holy Scripture  is immersion upon a profession of faith personally made. After some correspondence, his father, satisfied that his son attached no saving efficacy either to the water or the act of baptism, and that his motives were high and holy, withdrew his objections, and the necessary steps were taken in accordance with the son's desire. His last letter on this subject was written on 1st May 1850. In it he says —

"If I know my own heart, I believe the sentiment uppermost there is, that salvation is not of man — that no works, however holy, contribute in the least to save my soul; that the work is all of God's sovereign electing love, and that if ever I am saved it will be by his power alone."

On the 3rd of May the baptism took place. Mr. Spurgeon's own account of the transaction is so interesting, and so full of pathos and devout emotion mingled with graphic narration, that we transfer the description from The Sword and the Trowel for April, 1890 —

"In January, 1850, I was enabled, by divine grace, to lay hold on Jesus Christ as my Saviour, while hearing the gospel preached at Colchester. Being called, in the providence of God, to live at Newmarket as usher in a school, I essayed to join myself to the Church of believers in that town; but according to my reading of Holy Scripture, the believer in Christ should be buried with him in baptism, and so enter upon his open Christian life. I cast about to find a Baptist minister, and I failed to find one nearer than Isleham, in the Fen country, where resided a certain Mr. W. W. Cantlow, who had once been a missionary in Jamaica, but was then pastor of one of the Isleham Baptist churches. My parents wished me to follow my own convictions, Mr. Cantlow arranged to baptize me, and my employer gave me a day's holiday for the purpose."

"I can never forget the 3rd of May, 1850; it was my mother's birthday, and I myself was within a few weeks of being sixteen years of age. I was up early, to have a couple of hours for quiet prayer and dedication to God. Then I had some eight miles to walk, to reach the spot where I was to be immersed into the Triune name, according to the sacred command. What a walk it was! What thoughts and prayers thronged my soul during that morning's journey! It was by no means warm day, and therefore all the better for the two or three hours of quiet foot-travel which I enjoyed. The sight of Mr. Cantlow's smiling face was a full reward for that country tramp. I think I see the good man now, and the white ashes of the turf fire by which we stood and talked together about the solemn exercise which lay before us."

"We went together to the Ferry, for the Isleham friends had not degenerated to indoor immersion in a bath made by the art of man, but used the ampler baptistery of the flowing river."

"Isleham Ferry, on the river Lark, is a very quiet spot, half-a-mile from the village, and rarely disturbed by traffic at any time of the year. The river itself is a beautiful stream, dividing Cambridgeshire from Suffolk, and is dear to local anglers. The navigation of this little River Lark is soon to be re-opened between Bury-St.-Edmund's and the sea at Lynn; but at Isleham it is more in its infancy."

"The ferry-house, hidden in the picture by the trees, is freely opened for the convenience of minister and candidates at a baptizing. Where the barge is hauled up for repairs the preacher takes his stand, when the baptizing is on a week-day, and there are few spectators present. But on Lord's-day, when great numbers are attracted, the preacher, standing in a barge moored mid-stream, speaks the Word to the crowds on both sides of the river. This can be done the more easily, as the river is not very wide. Where three persons are seen at a stand, is the usual place for entering the water. The right depth, with sure footing, may soon be found, and so the delightful service proceeds in the gently-flowing stream. No accident or disorder has ever marred the proceedings. In the course of seven or eight miles the Lark serves no fewer than five Baptist churches, and they would on no account give up baptizing out of doors."

"To me," resumes Mr. Spurgeon, "there seemed a great concourse on that weekday. Dressed, I believe, in a jacket, with a boy's turn-down collar, I attended the service previous to the ordinance; but all remembrance of it has gone from me: my thoughts were in the water, sometimes with my Lord in joy, and sometimes with myself in trembling awe at making so public a confession. There were first to be baptized two women, Diana Wilkinson and Eunice Fuller, and I was asked to conduct them through the water to the minister; but this I most timidly declined. It was a new experience to me, never having seen a baptism before, and I was afraid of making some mistake. The wind blew down the river with a cutting blast, as my turn came to wade into the flood; but after I had walked a few steps, and noted the people on the ferry-boat, and in boats, and on either shore, I felt as if heaven and earth and hell might all gaze upon me; for I was not ashamed, there and then, to own myself a follower of the Lamb. Timidity was gone: I have scarcely met with it since. I lost a thousand fears in that River Lark, and found that 'In keeping His commandments there is great reward.' It was a thrice-happy day to me. God be praised for the preserving goodness which allows me to write of it with delight at the distance of forty years!"

In a note in the magazine above-mentioned, Pastor J. A. Wilson, the successor of Mr. Cantlow at Isleham, remarks —

"The recollection of the service at the riverside is fondly cherished by several still living, who rejoice that they were there. But the most precious memory of that day is the prayer-meeting in the vestry, in the evening, when Mr. Spurgeon prayed, and people wondered and wept for joy, as they listened to the lad. One may be excused for envying those who were there."

The people at Isleham have commemorated Mr. Spurgeon's connection with the place in a way which will perpetuate the memorable event. When, in 1888, they built a new schoolroom, adjoining the chapel, a stone was laid, which bears the following inscription —

**********************************************************

THIS STONE WAS LAID ON SEPTEMBER 19th, 1888, by

Mr. G. Apthorpe IN MEMORY OF THE LATE

REV. W. W. CANTLOW who, while Pastor of the Church, baptized the REV. C. H. SPURGEON, at Isleham Ferry, on May 3rd, 1850.

*********************************************************

It may be well to add here Mr. Spurgeon's remarks on reviewing the act and proceedings of the day, after the space of forty years. He says —

"If any ask — Why was I thus baptized? I answer, because I believed it to be an ordinance of Christ very specially joined by Him with faith in His name. 'He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved.' I had no superstitious idea that baptism would save me, for I was saved. I did not seek to have sin washed away by water, for I believed that my sins were forgiven me through faith in Christ Jesus. Yet I regarded baptism as the token to the believer of cleansing, the emblem of his burial with his Lord, and the outward avowal of his new birth. I did not trust in it; but because I trusted in Jesus as my Saviour I felt bound to obey Him as my Lord, and follow the example which He set us in Jordan, in His own baptism. I did not fulfil the outward ordinance to join a party, and to become a Baptist, but to be a Christian after the apostolic fashion; for they, when they believed, were baptized.

"It is now questioned whether John Bunyan was baptized; but the same question can never be raised concerning me. I, who scarcely belong to any sect, am, nevertheless, by no means willing to have it doubted, in time to come, whether or not I followed the conviction of my heart. I read the New Testament for myself, and saw believers' baptism there; and I had no mind to neglect what I saw to be the Lord's order. If others see not as I do, to their own Master they stand or fall; but for me, the perceptions of my understanding in spiritual things were the law of my life, and I hope they will always be so. Dear reader, let us follow the Lamb whithersoever He goeth!

"If I thought it wrong to be a Baptist, I should give it up, and become what I believed to be right. The particular doctrine adhered to by Baptists is that they acknowledge no authority unless it comes from the Word of God. They attach no importance to the authority of the Fathers, — they care not for the authority of the mothers, — if what they say does not agree with the teaching of the Evangelists, Apostles, and prophets, and, most of all, with the teaching of the Lord himself. If we could find infant baptism in the Word of God, we should adopt it. It would help us out of a great difficulty, for it would take away from us that reproach which is attached to us, — that we are odd, and do not as other people do. But we have looked well through the Bible, and cannot find it, and do not believe that it is there; nor do we believe that others can find infant baptism in the Scriptures, unless they themselves first put it there.

"Our forefathers were called Ana-baptists, because it was said by their opponents that they re-baptized those who had been already baptized. Of course, they did nothing of the kind; but they immersed, on profession of their faith, those who had previously been sprinkled as unconscious infants. There was no ana-baptism or re-baptism there, the two things were altogether distinct. I could tell a story a good many stories of that kind of ana-baptism. There was one of the elders of the Tabernacle Church who was — as the word is usually understood — 'baptized' four times. The first time the babe was sprinkled, he was so ill that he was only half-done, according to the ritual provided for that purpose in the [Anglican 'Book of Common] Prayer-book.' When he got better, he was taken to the church to be properly finished off, but the parson gave the child a girl's name instead of the one which had been selected for him. His father and mother did not like their boy running the risk of being called by the name that had been given to him, so they took him for the third time; and the clergyman then gave him his right name. When he grew up, he was converted, and I baptized him after the Scriptural order; but the Church of England had made three attempts to baptize him, and had failed every time!"

— From C. H. Spurgeon's AUTOBIOGRAPHY Vol I, pgs. 154-155

With the youthful Spurgeon a profession of faith meant something. It was the beginning of a fight — a fight with error, wickedness, and unbelief. He began at once to sow the seed of the kingdom, in the Sunday-school, and in the houses and highways and by-ways of the town and neighbourhood. He revived an old society for distributing tracts, and did the work of tract-distribution himself most effectually. His addresses in the Sunday-school were so deeply instructive, so full of love, and so attractive in manner, that the children were not only delighted, but they carried home the report of what they had heard, and soon the vestry of the Independent Chapel was filled with parents and children, who gathered to hear the addresses of the young usher, whose words were so full of interest, so full of fire and love.

At one of the examinations of the school, Mr. Spurgeon had consented to give an address on missions. It was a public occasion, and in the audience was a clergyman. During the examination, the clergyman heard of the death of his gardener, and at once left for home; but while on his way he began to reason with himself thus — "The gardener is dead; I cannot restore his life; I will return and hear what the young usher has to say on missions." He returned, heard the address, and showed his approval by presenting the young speaker with a sovereign [money coin] — an act which conferred honour alike on the giver and the recipient.

While residing at Newmarket, Mr. Spurgeon competed for a prize offered by Mr. Arthur Morley, of Nottingham, cousin to Mr. Samuel Morley, M.P., for the best essay on Popery. He did not secure the prize, but the adjudicator, the late Rev. George Smith, D.D., of Poplar, sent him an encouraging letter, and a present of money from Mr. Morley, in the hope that he would employ his talents for the public good. The manuscript has never been published, but it has been bound, and bears the endorsement, "Written by a boy under sixteen years of age." [Five years later in 1897, only the outline was published, the title being, "Antichrist and Her Brood, or POPERY UNMASKED", — in C. H. Spurgeon's AUTOBIOGRAPHY Vol I, pgs. 57-66]

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At the close of the one eventful year which he spent at Newmarket, Mr. Spurgeon removed to Cambridge, where his former friend, Mr. Henry Leeding had opened a school for young gentlemen. Lighter duties, greater comforts, and more time at his own disposal, left room for advance in all his studies.

On taking up his residence in Cambridge, Mr. Spurgeon at once identified himself with St. Andrew's Street Church. Before long he became a member of the Society, originated by Robert Hall, entitled, "The Lay Preachers' Association." His reputation as a public speaker must have secured him admittance, as he was still only a youth. The fact is, that his attempts at public edification had awakened in his mind a desire to devote himself to the work of God in a public way; and others had already perceived that the Lord had called him to preach the gospel. The story of his first sermon must have a chapter by itself, as it marks so important an epoch in Mr. Spurgeon's career.

Written by ROBERT SHINDLER

"I want you to regard the text as a sweet encouragement. But to whom? Why, first, to the minister. Beloved friends, he who is now speaking to you feels himself to be a marvel of the grace of God, and he can say to you honestly, and without any mock humility, that since God saved him, he has never doubted the possibility of the salvation of anyone else of the whole human race. Preserved from outward sin of the grosser kind, I, nevertheless, had for some years such a full sense of my own depravity, and such a horror of darkness on account of the evil that I saw within myself, that I can have sympathy with the most despairing soul that is there. If you are sitting at hell's dark door, I can tell you that I sat there month after month; and if you are tempted even to destroy yourself, I can assure you that I have know the misery that Job felt when he said, 'My soul chooseth strangling, and death rather than my life.' Yet am I saved by the sovereign grace of God, glory be to his holy name!

"If the Lord sent me to preach the gospel to the devil himself, I should believe that God was able to convert even him. I know that he never will do so; but if there be any man who is as bad as the devil, and the gospel is sent to him, I shall never despair of the possibility of that man being reclaimed, and made to stand among the redeemed at the last. I know that there are many here, who were drunkards and swearers, and worse than that; but they have obtained mercy, they have been washed in the precious blood of Jesus, and they are rejoicing tonight that their many sins have been forgiven them for Christ's sake. Those who have been in such a plight as that, do not despair of the salvation of the greatest sinners here. You have gone far into sin, but you have seen another saved who was once just what you now are, so why should not you be saved?

"There have been murderers saved, then why not you if your hands are red with the blood of others? There was a thief who was saved at the last hour, then why not you if you are a thief? There have been many Magdalens saved, then why not you if you belong to that sad sisterhood? O ye who lie despairing, at the gates of hell, the silver trumpet of the gospel is sounded in your ears by one who has enjoyed the music of it in his own soul. What an encouragement it is to the preacher when he can say, "By the grace of God I am what I am!

"And what an encouragement it should be to the hearer when he is told that salvation is all of grace! If Christ came to you, and said, 'You cannot be saved unless you perform so many good works,' there would be no hope for the most of you, though I fear that there are some who think that such a message would just suit them, for they fancy that they have done a great many good works. In cherishing that delusion, they are like a Hindoo of whom I once heard. He believed that he must not eat any animal substance, or that if he did he would perish. A missionary said to him, 'That idea is ridiculous. Why, you cannot drink a glass of water without swallowing thousands of living creatures.' He did not believe it, so the missionary took a drop of water, and put it under the microscope. When the man saw the innumerable living creatures in the drop of water, what did he do? Why, he broke the microscope; that was his way of settling the question.

"So, when we meet with persons who say, 'Our works are pure, and clean, and excellent,' we bring the great microscope of the law of the Lord, and we bid them look through that; and when they see a whole host of sins in every one of their prayers, or acts, or thoughts, then they are angry with the preacher, and they try to break the microscope. But, for all that, the truth remains, 'By the deeds of the law there shall no flesh be justified in his sight: for by the law is the knowledge of sin.'

"But salvation comes by grace. Catch at that, sinner; for, if it is by grace that sinners are saved, why should not you be saved? If a thing is given away, nobody can be too poor to have it. If it is the gift of charity, poverty is a recommendation rather than a hindrance. My Lord and Master does not tell me to come and say to you that salvation is by your own feelings. It would be as impossible for you to feel aright as to do aright; but salvation is entirely by God's grace. 'But,' says someone, 'my heart is hard.' Then, come to God to have it softened. 'But I have no good thing to bring him.' Then come to him for every good thing. 'But I cannot even bring a sense of need.' Then, come without a sense of need; for the man who feels that he has not a sense of need is often the one who has the best sense of need. He who says, 'I have at last a sense of need,' shows that he has not got to the bottom yet; for if he were brought to the bottom, he would feel that he had not any feeling, he would groan that he could not groan, and grieve that he could not grieve.

"Dear friends, you have to do nothing, and to be nothing, and to feel nothing by way of fitness for salvation, but just to come and accept, free, gratis, for nothing, the abundant mercy of God in Christ Jesus. He is the empty sinner's fulness, the dead sinner's life, the perishing sinner's salvation. I do not know any truth that can encourage poor sinful souls to pray, to repent, and to believe in Jesus except the truth that salvation is all of grace from first to last. As the apostle was saved by grace, so must it be with all the rest of us, and so may it be with you!

"If by the grace of God I am what I am, then by the grace of God I shall be, by-and-by, something better still. He who hath brought us to repent and to believe will bring us to greater faith, to fuller assurance, and to complete conformity to Christ, and will preserve us into the end. When any tell us that God will leave us to perish at the last, I never care to answer them, for it always seems to me that those who talk so of my Master do not know him. What, leave his beloved, leave his spouse, leave the members of his own body to perish? It is useless to tell us that. He loves his own with too mighty a love ever to cast them away. Let others say what they will, I join with Paul in saying, 'By the grace of God I am what I am;' and I am persuaded that, by that same grace, I shall one day be with Christ, and be like him. You who are not the subjects of divine grace may well fear that you will perish; but you who have received God's grace may rest assured that, since grace was the motive which began the good work in you, the same motive will continue even to the end. If God had begun saving us because we were good, he would of course leave off saving us when we were not good. If he had begun to save us because we were pure in heart, and gracious in life, he would leave off when we ceased to be so; but as he began to save us from no motive but his own sovereign determination to save us, how can that be affected by anything that may happen to us? So let us fall back upon this comforting assurance, by the grace of God we are what we are, and by the grace of God we shall one day share Christ's glory."

— From #3084, MTP Vol 54, 1908, pgs. 138-140  

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C. H. SPURGEON
SUBJECT APPENDIX COMPILED BY ERIC HAYDEN MORE Sermon Selections to other important SUBJECTS that
C. H. Spurgeon referred to in an Autobiographical manner. APOSTOLIC SUCCESSION
	1905 pg. 347
ASSURANCE
	1904 pg. 236
BAPTIST DENOMINATION
	1905 pg. 246
BACKSLIDING
	1866 pg. 595   1910 pg. 393
CHILDREN
	1864 pg. 213, 214   1882 pg. 163
	1887 pg. 587   1906 pg. 287
CHURCH MEETINGS
	1868 pg. 32
COMMUNION
	1905 pg. 319, 322
EVOLUTION
	1892 pg. 221    RELATED ARTICLE  (Link)
FASTING
	1896 pg. 104, 105
GAMBLING
	1899 pg. 318
GRACE
	1863 pg. 597   1880 pg. 659
GUIDANCE
	1876 pg. 477   1889 pg. 639   1906 pg. 344
HANDEL'S MESSIAH
	1864 pg. 443